Anyhoo, Is it A relationship or not? If yes, I would have felt completely broken or so.
That's the thing. For a while it kind of was. However, she started getting weird on me. I finally talked to her last night for the first time in almost 2 months, and confronted her about all of the crap she's done recently. Long story short, there is a wall somewhere that now has a hole in it. I just got tired of her leading me on, then freaking out when we got really close and pushing me away. Even when the relationship got sexual, at first everything was great. Then all of a sudden she just completely shut herself off from me and left me wondering what the fuck? Ah well, can't say I'm not used to it.
It seems I have a long history of friends with whom I end up having relationships with and in some way or another, it always ends up being "I just want to be friends". Whenever they have problems, they always run back to me. I patch them up, then they run off again like I'm not Chocolate egg. This latest one is just perpetuating the cycle I guess. However, this is the one I've had the longest lasting friendship and relationship with, and the one I've been the closest to. It's hard to just walk away some times, but I'm at the point in my life where I'm just like fuck it all. For the record, she was the first one to say "I love you", and she's the one who got weird on me. I just don't get it.