Piutebob's Jokes

[BLaw]

If you say so:

A comedian and his friend are walking in the park while it's raining. Suddenly, they both stop. The comedian then throws himself in the mudpool. His friend asks: Dude, why did you do that?
The comedian answers: because this is a dirty joke.

It's lame, but you got a dirty joke ^^

[Quentin Hex]

ˆ_ˆ

[Nowhere Man]

very dense =P

[piutebob]

Ok, I know my thread is old (but it is my thread after all), but anyways:

This man sends 10 puns to a local newspaper to see if he could win the prize for the best joke or pun. No pun in ten did.

[BLaw]

LoL

[Quentin Hex]

amen. i like it!

[piutebob]

Horse Trading

During the early days of the West, a preacher rode his horse from cow town to cow town to preach religion. After a lifetime of traveling and preaching, the time came for him to retire. He decided to sell his trusted horse, and move to the city.

A young gentleman came to see his horse, and was quite interested in purchasing the horse. But before the young man bought it, he thought he should ride it once to see how they got along together. The old preacher agreed.

The young man climbed awkwardly into the saddle and tried to get the horse to move, but it refused. Embarrassed, the preacher admitted that he had taught the horse to obey different commands using religious words in substitution the customary words.

The young man asked what you had to say to the horse to get it to go.

The preacher said, "Praise the Lord."

As soon as the horse heard these words, it took off at a very high rate of speed, nearly unseating the young man in the process. The young man was able to hang on, and finally pulled himself back into the saddle. Next, he managed to get the reins back in his hands, and attempted to slow the horse to a walk, but to no avail. The horse thundered on straight ahead at full speed.

Looking ahead, the young man observed that he and the horse were approaching a sheer cliff. Realizing that he was surely about to die, he did the last thing he could think of. He started reciting aloud The Lord's Prayer. Upon saying the word "Amen," the horse braced his front legs and screeched to a halt, just inches from the edge of the cliff.

The young man looked down at the jagged rocks a thousand feet below, pulled his handkerchief from his pocket, wiped the sweat from his forehead, and exclaimed in gratitude to the Lord, "Praise the Lord."

[Larcetin]

Good one, I knew it already. It's hard for me to tell a joke in english, but I found this one in my english school book:

A man was walking along a road when he found a penguin.
So he picked it up and took it to the local police station.

He said to the policeman "I found this penguin. What should I do with it?"

The policeman looked at the man and said "It's obvious what you should
do with it! Take the penguin to the zoo.

The man said "Of course, I'll take it to the zoo" and he left the police
station with the penguin under his arm.

The next day the policeman was on duty in the city centre when he saw
the man walking along the street with the penguin by his side. The policeman stopped the man and said "I thought I told you to take the penguin to the zoo?"

The man replied "Yes, I took it to the zoo yesterday. Today I'm taking it to see the Opera House."

[piutebob]

[piutebob]

Country Preacher

A country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time for the boy to start thinking about choosing a profession.

Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table 4 objects:

1. A Bible.

2. A silver dollar.

3. A bottle of whiskey.

4. A Playboy magazine.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."

"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!"

"If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."

"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be."

"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.

He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.

He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna run for Congress."

[piutebob]

How low will he go?