Chuck Norris jokes

[BLaw]

I'm in the mood for good Chuck Norris jokes. You know who he is right?

- The Texas Walker
- Muscled
- Martial Artist
- Actor
- Everything you ever dreamed of
- The only one who beat Bruce Lee
- The latter one in a movie
- Always wins, even if he loses, which is never

If Nick Fury would've summoned him in MUA, Dr. Doom would've lost in 1 minute.
Forge can create anything he wants, Chuck created Forge
He is immune to Rogue's powers.
Chuck punishes the Punisher whenever he wants to.

[Nowhere Man]

the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are based on a Chuck Norris fact. Once Chuck swallowed a small aquarium turtle. When he defecated it, it really was 1.7m tall and fought karate.

The only way Chuck Norris can shave is by roundhouse-kicking his own face cause only Chuck Norris can cut Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in the periodic table of elements cause the only element he believes in is the element of surprise.

At first there was nothing. Then Chuck said to God "GET A JOB!!!"

[BLaw]

The last one is incorrect, it was Chuck who said to God: if you want some rest while you're doing everything, make yourself invisible...

God created men, Chuck created himself.

The Stanley-Knife was named that way because Chuck doesn't need knives.

Chuck is the best teamplayer. If he needs help, his shadow will be there for him.
Chuck is left out in every game because he's overpowered by default.

[Nowhere Man]

Chuck Norris does not have a chin. Beneath his beard lies another fist.

Chuck only eats beef jerky, when he defecates it it's turned into gun powder which he uses to make bullets to kill cattle in order to make beef jerky. that's called "the Chuck Norris cicle".

If you google Chuck Norris the answer will be "No one finds Chuck Norris, he finds you".

Nobody knows who's Chuck Norris's father but the most accepted theory is that he went back in time, screwed his mother and fathered himself, cause only Chuck Norris can make Chuck Norris.

Nagazaki wasn't really a victim of nuclear weapons, Chuck had a paper route back than and accidentally threw one newspaper too far.

[BLaw]

Professor Xavier's secret identity is Chuck Norris, but only Wolverine knows it. That makes him the most powerful telepath and martial artist of the universe.

If chuck was gay, he wouldn't just come out of the closet.. Instead he would jump-kick out of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't have doors in his house, because it's HIS house. Safe enough.

Chuck was left out of Rock-Paper-Scissors, because Chuck breaks rocks, Chuck cuts Scissors, and Chuck covers the paper.

Chuck doesn't listen to music, the music listens to him.

[piutebob]

Chuck Norris killed 2 stones with 1 bird.

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he is not pushing himself up, he is pushing the world down.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
   
Chuck Norris counted to infinity... Twice.

What was going through the minds of all the victims that Chuck Norris killed? His shoe.
   

[BLaw]

when chuck nods yes, get out of his way
when chuck nods no, it's too late.

A ray can be deadly.. Chuck's name is Ray.

To prevent chuck from harming the world, nintendo invented the Wii Nunchuck. Now he can't harm the world... without the chain attached to a nunchuck.

[Larcetin]

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Chuck Norris.

Ghosts are a result of Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris swims through land.

Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character of 24, but he was replaced after he killed all the terrorists in only 24 seconds.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice... from a banana.

[Quentin Hex]

love that last one.
heres one that's a bit inappropriate. only look if you feel you can handle such things.
chuck norris's penis has a tonail

[BLaw]

I lolled myself there

chuck is a Crip, he even kills the blood of his victims
mike tyson broke his jaw by chucks ear.
chuck was casted in "Cast Away", but they dropped him because he pulled his home towards the deserted island.
mozes split the sea in two...yep chuck split mozes and the sea
chuck always says: you have two choices. Or you have a hole in this wheel, or this wheel in your.. yeah you get the point.

[Pooltastic]

how about...

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his fighting skills and good looks. Then he round-housed kicked the devil and took his soul back.

[BLaw]

Chuck's fist is a discount pass for all stores.
Chuck has his own football/soccer team: the Texas Walkers
What's the sound of Norris' axe when you use it: CHUCK!
Chuck doesn't have nightmares, because he's always awake
Chuck's wife is like the whipcream on the pie. Chuck's both.
Chuck can make heat melt, and chuck can make frost freeze.
Even when there's a round table, Chuck can still sit at the corner of it, because he wants to....
Hitler commited suicide.. Because he was talking to Chuck.

[Quentin Hex]

Chuck doesn't have nightmares, because he's always awake

exactly; chuck noris doesn't sleep. he waits.
when he's going the bed, when he flips the light switch off, he can get into bed before the light goes out.

[BLaw]

yeah, chuck finishes each book before he even opened them.

I see, I see, what we all can't see and it's: Something that Chuck Norris only can see.

The A-Team can turn a screw into a tank. Chuck Norris can turn the A-Team into a screw.

[Quentin Hex]

chuck noris doesn't even need to read, he just stares books down until they give him the info he needs.