Piutebob's Jokes

[piutebob]

Christian VS. Athiest

There's a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts, "Praise the Lord!"

The atheist yells back, "There is no God."

She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says, "Praise the Lord."

The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there's the groceries she asked for, and of course, she shouts, "Praise the Lord!!!"

The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, "Ha, I bought those groceries ... there is no God."

The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts, "Praise the Lord, not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!!"

[Gevth]

Jesus, Moses and some old guy are playing golf.

First comes Moses. He makes the swing, but his ball falls in the pond. He approaches the pond, and much to the awe of the audience, procedes to split the waters, making a sort of corridor to where his ball is, which allows him to hit it, getting it to the green. The audience applaudes and cheers this amazing display.

Then comes Jesus, but his shot, too, ends up in the pond. Miracously, instead of going to the bottom, the ball ends up in the middle of the pond, floating. Jesus walks on the water (the audience is speechless while he does this), and hits the ball, which also gets to the green, yet only a couple of centimetres away from the hole. It goes without saying, the audience goes wild with this!

So much in fact, that the last guy almost couldn't make his shot because of the lack of silence. Maybe that's the reason why he too misses, and his ball heads for the pond too. But alas, as the small ball is falling, a fish jumps off the water, confusing the ball with a bug, and catches it with his mouth. Out of nowhere, an eagle grabs the fish, and procedes to take it to its nest. But while the eagle is flying over the green, a sudden lightning scares it, making it drop the fish, which falls next to the hole, releasing the ball, which ends up rolling into the hole.

Unless you witnessed the situation, you wouldn't believe the complete (although brief) silence that preceded the loud and joyful cheers of the audience. They all started running towards the old man, grabbing him and carrying him the way only ancient kings were carried in those rare moments of celebration. And while they took him away, they could only barely hear Jesus shouting, from the distance:

"Nice shot, Dad!"

[piutebob]

Yeah, I read a different version of that joke. Funny joke.

[The Boy Sanga]

I went into the butchers the other day.

Bet him £100 he couldn't get the meat off the top shelf.

He says to me:

"No Way!"

"The steaks are too high!"

[piutebob]

ROTFLOL!

[ThePhoenix]

I would have some pretty funny jokes, but they would be hard to convert to English
Well, here's one:

Two tourists were on a tour in Wales and were about to arrive to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and they started arguing of how the name should be pronounced. They argued and argued until they stopped to eat a hamburger. As they came to the counter another tourist asked from the boy that is about to sell them the hamburgers(didn't remember what it was called ):
"Could you tell us where we are please? Very slowly."
The boy bend over the counter and said very slowly:
"Burrrgerrr Kiinnngg."

Yeah, I think it's rather good. I had to google for a while before I found the name of the city

[BLaw]

I remember when I had to pronounce the name of that city (wasn't it a town?). My teacher gave me an A+ lol

[Dihan]

It's very easy to say. Then again, I speak Welsh.

There's also Gorsafawddachaidraigodanheddogleddolonpenrhynareurdraethceredigion.

[ThePhoenix]

I remember when I had to pronounce the name of that city (wasn't it a town?). My teacher gave me an A+ lol

Wow, you are god pronouncer. I myself have no idea of how that would be pronounced.

It's very easy to say. Then again, I speak Welsh.

There's also Gorsafawddachaidraigodanheddogleddolonpenrhynareurdraethceredigion.

Guh, you Welsh are like what? Obsessed with weird names?

[LX - Rampage]

It's very easy to say. Then again, I speak Welsh.

There's also Gorsafawddachaidraigodanheddogleddolonpenrhynareurdraethceredigion.

Sorry, but there is also what? We have long words too in Hungary, like: Megszentségteleníthetetlenskedéseitekért. It's not as long as that, but long for me

[Quentin Hex]

fun fact:
"Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch" translates to "St. Mary's Church of the White Hazel Near to the Whirlpool of Llantisilig of the Red Cave" in english

there is also a Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu hill in new zealand and a Lake Chaubunagungamaug in massachusets. the longest word shakespear used is Honorificabilitudinitatibus, and the longest word in the englsih dictionary is Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

thank you, wikipedea

[Dihan]

Sorry, but there is also what? We have long words too in Hungary, like: Megszentségteleníthetetlenskedéseitekért. It's not as long as that, but long for me

Gorsafawddacha'idraigodanheddogleddollônpenrhynareurdraethceredigion and Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch are both places. The latter is usually just called LlanfairPG and the first isn't used any more.

Wow, you are god pronouncer. I myself have no idea of how that would be pronounced.

It's not surprising considering the pronunciation for the letter Ll is only used in Welsh and Central Alaskan Yup'ik. It's a voiceless alveolar lateral fricative - if it means anything to anyone.

Guh, you Welsh are like what? Obsessed with weird names?

Only some.

[Quentin Hex]

in utah there are names like orem and provo. how come Europe gets interesting names?

[Dihan]

Do we really need to answer that when there's a different language for almost every country?

[BLaw]

Wow, you are god pronouncer. I myself have no idea of how that would be pronounced.
Guh, you Welsh are like what? Obsessed with weird names?

Well, I believe I have some English or American blood in my bloodline. Though I'm not sure. None of my relatives has English 90% under control like I have. I say 90% because I make mistakes and there are words which I do not understand Also when my mom talks English, it makes me laugh so hard the word LOL (for me) will mean Laughing On Lifesupport.

I'm also trying to imitate voices of celebrities in my sparetime so I can make my friends laugh. I made a personnel pee in his pants with my Arnold S. imitation a few years ago. It was during one of my internships. Was a blast.

Other imitations include Sean Connery, Ray Charles, Michael Jackson, Jackie Chan (though everyone could imitate him I think) and some other I couldn't think of. Oyeah, and some dutch people (since I live in holland, makes sence).


Anyway some jokes (or something, they're lame)


Fart situation:
Guy1: Excuse me, did you fart?
Guy2: I beg your pardon sir? I was going to ask you that very same question!
Guy1: Well it wasn't me sir.
Guy2: And I was going to answer that same answer! Goodbye sir.



Q: Why do black people always die in movies?
A: Ask them.
Q: Why do American people always call 911?
A: They are too lazy to do it themselves.
Q: What does the word MAN stand for at the KKK?
A: Mightless Antique Nerds.

Johnny is making his math homework:
1+1=11
2+2=22
0+0=100-1
6+9=9+6 upside down.